Complete this inventory to make an initial assessment of your marriage. Rate your satisfaction for each area below from 1-10 where 1= poor; 5=average; 10=excellent.

1. Our physical intimacy is: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

2. Our emotional intimacy: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

3. Our spiritual intimacy is: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

4. Our recreational togetherness is: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

5. The friendship factor in our marriage is: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

6. Our communication is: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

7. The way we manage conflict is: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

8. The way we make decisions is: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

9. The way we handle our children is: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

10. The way we share responsibility is: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

11. The way we socialize together is: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

12. The way we interact with our in-laws is: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

13. The way we handle finances is: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Write out answers to these questions. This is meant to be an activity for assessing your marriage. After scoring  areas 1-13 above – answer the following questions so you can ascertain goals to work on in your relationship. This is best done after both partners complete it. Don’t share the scores above but, discuss your answers to the questions below.

1. Which areas of growth are most critical for you? Why?

2. Which areas are most critical for your spouse? Why?

3. If you were to make 2 requests of your spouse for change, what would you ask? Make these specific and base them on 2 of the above areas of concern.

4. If you were to do 2 things to improve your marriage and make your spouse more satisfied, what would you do? Base these on the areas in which you believe your spouse wants you to make changes.

5. What can you do this week to make positive change in your marriage?
Examples:
__Start improving my communication by listening to my spouse more intently and demonstrating empathy. (read a book below to help you learn these skills)
__Become more involved with household chores.
__Participate and initiate more family activities.
__Plan a date with my spouse.
__Schedule a meeting to plan our budget.
__Go to church with my spouse or suggest reading the Bible together once a week. (don’t pressure your spouse to do this)

6. Discuss reading one of the following books or ordering dvd and other resources fromwww.loveandrespect.com and/or http://www.prepinc.com/main/about_us.asp:
Love and Respect: the Love She Most Desires; the Respect He Desperately Needs by Emerson Eggerichs
Cracking the Communication Code: The Secret to Speaking Your Mate’s Language[AUDIOBOOK] [CD] [UNABRIDGED] (Audio CD) by Emerson Eggerichs
Fighting for Your Marriage : Positive Steps for Preventing Divorce and Preserving a Lasting Love by Howard Markman, Scott Stanley, Susan L. Blumberg, Dean S. Edell
A Lasting Promise: A Christian Guide to Fighting for Your Marriage by Scott Stanley, Howard Markman, Susan Blumberg, Dean Edell
Fall in Love, Stay in Love by Willard F. Harley – the author of His Needs, Her Needs

©2007 by Lynette J. Hoy, NCC, LCPC